Friday, 27 July 2012

Hoping for the Best

Well, the spotting stopped.  It really didn't last very long, just about two days.  It was also actually extremely light, notiwthstanding my initial melodramatic description of it as "bleeding."  It really started tapering off within hours of appearing.  The cramps are still coming and going, but I think they were there last week as well - I can't remember at this point.  They feel just like period cramps.  Anyway, I am trying not to assume the worst, but I am terrified.  I know that either spotting or cramps can be normal, but the two together are rarely a good sign.

I finally convinced my RE to move my viability ultrasound up by a week, to next Thursday, when I will be 7 weeks.  Hopefully, at that point I will see a strong heartbeat, and be told that everything is on track. 

In the interim, I went to the clinic that saw me through my last miscarriage, and had a beta drawn.  It was 12,600.  It had been 4,323 a little less than 5 days prior.  That gives me a doubling time of 75 to 77 hours, depending on how precise I am about what time the tests were taken (75 hours is precise).  I get that this is actually perfectly normal, given how high the betas are (1,200 - 6,000 should double every 72 to 96 hours, >6,000 can take >96 hours).  I still hate that it is not less than 48 hours though, even though I know that it is not expected to be at this point.

But yeah, the apparently normal doubling time is a good sign, and gives me some relief for sure!  With my last miscarriage, falling betas were my first real sign of trouble after spotting.

I'm not doing another beta, because I don't know what the upper limit of normal is at this HCG level, and I think I will probably just stress and worry if it is above 96 hours at all (as it apparently should be).

So now, all I can do is wait for that ultrasound, and hope, and pray. 

I have never prayed so hard for anything in my life.

I mean, everything could be okay.  I did start spotting brown a couple of days after an extremely invasive and uncomfortable internal ultrasound (seriously, she had it at like 90 degree angles at times).  That is normal, right?  And so are the cramps...right?  It could be okay.  Maybe, just maybe, I won't lose this baby too.

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