7 Weeks, 2 Days - More Spotting

I woke up to more spotting today. 

It is the first time that I have had any signficant spotting in almost two weeks. 

At first I totally freaked out, of course....but then I realized, this doesn't really change anything.  The possible explanations that my doctor provided for the spotting are still applicable.  In fact, I did have another internal ultrasound two days ago, and the spotting was brown.  This is exactly like the last instance of spotting, which also followed an internal.  I also have the vanishing twin issue, and super cystic ovaries. 

Speaking of ovaries, my right ovary was extremely painful last night actually.  It didn't freak me out, because I knew what it was....but now I am thinking, maybe one of those cysts actually ruptured? 

Anyway, I am not freaking out.  I am NOT.freaking.out. 

There is nothing that I can do about it anyway, if the worst is indeed going to happen. 

I also want to be able to look back on this pregnancy, and know that I loved Bug fully while he was here, inside me.  That I made him feel safe and warm and loved - not surrounded by tension and fear.  I do not want to mourn him while he is still here.  I saw him two days ago, after-all, and his little heart beat was so strong.

So I am going to pick myself up, and go about my day.  I will NOT.freak.out.

Viability Ultrasound

I had my viability ultrasound this morning.

Apparently, I conceived twins, but only one has made it this far.  :(  The other one is still in there, but there is no heartbeat, and the sac is tiny.

There is also a healthy baby in there, with a strong heartbeat (146).  :) He is measuring at 6 weeks 5 days.  I am 7 weeks along according to when I ovulated.  My RE was adamant though that being off by 2 days is completely normal, and does not in any way suggest that there is a problem.

My husband is super-excited about the fact that there is a healthy baby in there. He actually cried when he saw his little heart beating, it was so sweet. :) It was the first time I have ever seen him cry, after more than 9 years. 

I am extremely excited and relieved as well.

I can't help also being sad for the one that I lost though. Does this count as miscarriage number 2? :(

My RE says that what usually happens now is that the lost twin will be re-absorbed into my body, and the remaining healthy pregnancy should be unaffected.  They are having me come in for another ultrasound next week to follow up and see how things are progressing.

As to the cramping and spotting that I have been having, my RE says that it is to be expected.  The spotting was probably caused by either the ultrasound I had right before it started, the progesterone suppositories, or the loss of the other baby.  The cramps are also normal, and are apparently particularly common when a woman's ovaries look like mine - they are absolutely FULL of large cysts.  I over-responded to the gonal-f, and my ovaries therefore look like an IVF patient's normally would.  I am not complaining - at least this provides a possible explanation for the cramping!  The cysts should resolve themselves over the next few months.

So anyway, good news for the most part.  My Bug is still okay.  It is so weird to be so sad, and so happy, all at the same time.
Please keep growing little Bug!

Cysts!

So I spent a lovely evening in the emergency room last night. 

Ha.  Honesty though, it was hardly enjoyable, but I am so glad that I went, because it really put my mind at ease!  The pain in my lower right hand side has gotten significantly worse over the past couple of days.  I finally decided yesterday afternoon that it was sharp and focused enough that I wanted to make sure that it wasn't ectopic.  After a lovely 10 hours at the hospital, I received the following information:

• there was no evidence of a tubal pregnancy on the ultrasounds;
• my betas had increased by four-fold in the past four days, to 4,323 (perfect); and
•  the doctor could see one gestational & yolk sac in my uterus, measuring at 5 weeks, 2 days (I was 5 weeks, 1 day).

Apparently, I am in pain because my ovaries are full of cysts!  Wonderful. 

I snapped this (blurry) photo of the ultrasound machine when the tech stepped out:

You can see one of my stupidly cystic ovaries in the upper right hand corner.  There are multiple cysts/follicles measuring in the range of of 20 to 27 mm in each ovary.  Not exactly normal for pregnancy, but apparently it can happen when the ovaries are hyper-stimulated with fertility drugs, like say, Gonal-f.    Anyway, I spoke to my RE this morning, and she was unconcerned.  She said they should resolve themselves over the next few weeks, and that other than causing some discomfort, they do not pose any actual risk.  :)

I am definitely relieved!  While I'd prefer not to have freakishly cystic ovaries right now, it is far better than the alternative explanation for that focused pain (i.e. ectopic). 

Also, I managed to get some confirmation that everything is on track in the process.  You can see blurry images of the little Bug in the ultrasound shot above.  No fetal pole yet, but at 5 weeks, 1 day, I understand that is perfectly normal.  He/she is measuring exactly right at this stage, if not a day ahead.

So, now can I relax?  :)  I hope so...!