Hoping for the Best

Well, the spotting stopped.  It really didn't last very long, just about two days.  It was also actually extremely light, notiwthstanding my initial melodramatic description of it as "bleeding."  It really started tapering off within hours of appearing.  The cramps are still coming and going, but I think they were there last week as well - I can't remember at this point.  They feel just like period cramps.  Anyway, I am trying not to assume the worst, but I am terrified.  I know that either spotting or cramps can be normal, but the two together are rarely a good sign.

I finally convinced my RE to move my viability ultrasound up by a week, to next Thursday, when I will be 7 weeks.  Hopefully, at that point I will see a strong heartbeat, and be told that everything is on track. 

In the interim, I went to the clinic that saw me through my last miscarriage, and had a beta drawn.  It was 12,600.  It had been 4,323 a little less than 5 days prior.  That gives me a doubling time of 75 to 77 hours, depending on how precise I am about what time the tests were taken (75 hours is precise).  I get that this is actually perfectly normal, given how high the betas are (1,200 - 6,000 should double every 72 to 96 hours, >6,000 can take >96 hours).  I still hate that it is not less than 48 hours though, even though I know that it is not expected to be at this point.

But yeah, the apparently normal doubling time is a good sign, and gives me some relief for sure!  With my last miscarriage, falling betas were my first real sign of trouble after spotting.

I'm not doing another beta, because I don't know what the upper limit of normal is at this HCG level, and I think I will probably just stress and worry if it is above 96 hours at all (as it apparently should be).

So now, all I can do is wait for that ultrasound, and hope, and pray. 

I have never prayed so hard for anything in my life.

I mean, everything could be okay.  I did start spotting brown a couple of days after an extremely invasive and uncomfortable internal ultrasound (seriously, she had it at like 90 degree angles at times).  That is normal, right?  And so are the cramps...right?  It could be okay.  Maybe, just maybe, I won't lose this baby too.

Cysts!

So I spent a lovely evening in the emergency room last night. 

Ha.  Honesty though, it was hardly enjoyable, but I am so glad that I went, because it really put my mind at ease!  The pain in my lower right hand side has gotten significantly worse over the past couple of days.  I finally decided yesterday afternoon that it was sharp and focused enough that I wanted to make sure that it wasn't ectopic.  After a lovely 10 hours at the hospital, I received the following information:

• there was no evidence of a tubal pregnancy on the ultrasounds;
• my betas had increased by four-fold in the past four days, to 4,323 (perfect); and
•  the doctor could see one gestational & yolk sac in my uterus, measuring at 5 weeks, 2 days (I was 5 weeks, 1 day).

Apparently, I am in pain because my ovaries are full of cysts!  Wonderful. 

I snapped this (blurry) photo of the ultrasound machine when the tech stepped out:

You can see one of my stupidly cystic ovaries in the upper right hand corner.  There are multiple cysts/follicles measuring in the range of of 20 to 27 mm in each ovary.  Not exactly normal for pregnancy, but apparently it can happen when the ovaries are hyper-stimulated with fertility drugs, like say, Gonal-f.    Anyway, I spoke to my RE this morning, and she was unconcerned.  She said they should resolve themselves over the next few weeks, and that other than causing some discomfort, they do not pose any actual risk.  :)

I am definitely relieved!  While I'd prefer not to have freakishly cystic ovaries right now, it is far better than the alternative explanation for that focused pain (i.e. ectopic). 

Also, I managed to get some confirmation that everything is on track in the process.  You can see blurry images of the little Bug in the ultrasound shot above.  No fetal pole yet, but at 5 weeks, 1 day, I understand that is perfectly normal.  He/she is measuring exactly right at this stage, if not a day ahead.

So, now can I relax?  :)  I hope so...! 

Betas!

Today was a great day!  I had my second beta test today, and am elated that it came back at a whopping 979!  :)  It was 135 on Thursday, which gives me a doubling time of 33.59 hours!  This is a fantastic result, and I could not be more pleased, or relieved!  My progesterone was also shockingly high, at 178 nmol/L (which is different from ng/mL).  This is actually the highest level that my RE's lab is capable of measuring. 

My RE is completely unconcerned about my cramps, and has assured me that they are normal. They are so happy with the betas that they are not going to bother doing another draw, and have instead scheduled our next appointment as being our first ultrasound at 8 weeks on August 9.

My husband and I are both so, so, SO happy!  We know that at this point, anything can still happen.  It is still so nice to know that at least as of now, everything is normal for once!

Today is actually also our 9 year dating anniversary, which makes the day extra special.  :)  We are certainly celebrating tonight!

PgAL

I honestly didn't think that I would be this scared.  But, I can't get seem to get my prior loss out of my head now, and I can't stop worrying that the same thing is going to happen again.  See, I have had cramps on and off for a few days.  Nothing severe, but sometimes they are sharp.  I keep trying to tell myself that they are gas pains or something, because they have moved around a little and that seems odd to me.  Today I have consistent, sharp-ish pain on my lower right side.  As much as I really am trying not to worry, it's kind of freaking me out.  I know that cramps can be normal, and I know that they may not be a big deal, especially since I am not spotting.  That said, I just can't seem to stop over-analyzing this and worrying.  *sigh* 

My first beta on Thursday was 135 at 14 DPO.  I am just hoping and praying that my second beta on Monday is where it should be - which is at least around 540.  If so, then I think I will be able to relax a little bit.  Until then, I guess I will just try to keep my mind off of it.  There really is nothing that can be done to prevent a loss at this point anyway - if it going to happen, it is going to happen.