I realize that I left the blog on a low note and then didn't update for a while - sorry for that. I've been pretty down about this whole thing lately, and just haven't felt able to write about it. The fear really is quite paralyzing. Because of how large my hematoma is and the fact that I am still bleeding off and on, the situation is very precarious. I basically move from one day to the next, wondering whether I will still be pregnant by nightfall. I am on partial bed rest, which compounds the problem from an emotional perspective in that I spend most of my time outside of work lying around worrying about this, or googling, which is rarely a good idea. The bed rest is important though, as my experience in the past two weeks has clearly borne out that I bleed more (and red) when I move around too much, or stand for any length of time. Obviously, it is aggravating whatever it is that is torn or bleeding in there. So, I try not to move. Instead, I just lie here and think, and wonder, and worry.
I suppose I should offer an actual update, rather than just whining. :). Since my last post, my hematoma has shrunk to 3.5 x 2.2 x 1.2 cm (last Tuesday), and then grown again slightly by this morning, to 2.9 x 2.6 x 1.5 cm. It is probably bigger now, as I had another red-ish bleed this afternoon (which means new blood, not just the hematoma draining out). But still, it is much smaller than it was after the big hemorrhage, and for that I am grateful.
We also learned today that the hematoma is inferior to (ie. below) the placenta, rather than behind it. That is good news, and leads to a better prognosis.
Also, most importantly, Bug is still doing beautifully. :). He is still measuring ahead, at 13 weeks, 1 day today (I am 12 weeks, 5 days). His heart rate was perfect at 167. We can see so much detail on the ultrasounds now, it is amazing. I forgot to ask for a photo today, but will do so if we make it to our next appointment in 2 weeks.
So, we are still in the game, at least for now. Only time will tell whether we will make it to the finish line, or whether we will have to deal with the heartbreak of another (later) loss. As always, I continue to pray for this baby more than I have ever prayed for anything in my entire life. I am trying to remain optimistic, but to be honest, that is a struggle at this point. I am, however, hopeful.