I will be 14 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I can't believe that I've actually made it to the second trimester. This is not, of course, how I imagined it. By now, we should be telling our families and friends that we are expecting, and basking in the excitement and relief that should accompany having passed the magical 12 week mark. We should be making plans for the future, including where we will live when Bug arrives, and starting to think about names. I should be starting to think about strollers and cribs, and how I will decorate the nursery.
We are not doing any of these things.
We are in a holding pattern. Because the situation is still so precarious, we have not told anyone about the baby. Our families do not even know (well, with the exception of my mother). We do not discuss names, or make plans of any kind. I can't even say whether I will be able to leave the house any time soon. We move from day to day, ultrasound to ultrasound, with our hearts in our throats.
I wish that for once, I could be like so many other pregnant women, for whom the miracle of giving life seems to come so easily. I wish my body would just WORK the way it is supposed to.
Clearly, my path to starting a family will not be so easy. That does not mean though that I will not eventually get there, that I will not hold my baby in my arms someday. Hopefully, that baby will be Bug, and "someday" will be March 2013.