I woke up to more spotting today.
It is the first time that I have had any signficant spotting in almost two weeks.
At first I totally freaked out, of course....but then I realized, this doesn't really change anything. The possible explanations that my doctor provided for the spotting are still applicable. In fact, I did have another internal ultrasound two days ago, and the spotting was brown. This is exactly like the last instance of spotting, which also followed an internal. I also have the vanishing twin issue, and super cystic ovaries.
Speaking of ovaries, my right ovary was extremely painful last night actually. It didn't freak me out, because I knew what it was....but now I am thinking, maybe one of those cysts actually ruptured?
Anyway, I am not freaking out. I am NOT.freaking.out.
There is nothing that I can do about it anyway, if the worst is indeed going to happen.
I also want to be able to look back on this pregnancy, and know that I loved Bug fully while he was here, inside me. That I made him feel safe and warm and loved - not surrounded by tension and fear. I do not want to mourn him while he is still here. I saw him two days ago, after-all, and his little heart beat was so strong.
So I am going to pick myself up, and go about my day. I will NOT.freak.out.