Cliche, but True

They really do grow up too fast.

 Bug is only 7 weeks old, and yet already I can see him changing and growing, and leaving the newborn stage behind.  His newborn clothes haven't fit for weeks.  (I admit that I shed a tear or two the first time I realized that he had outgrown them.). He is more alert every day, and is starting to try to communicate other than by crying (making vowel sounds, etc).  He can clearly see and focus on things that are much farther away now. He has amazing head and neck control, and can sit up (against something) without needing his head to be supported at all.  And the smiles! They are my favorite part of every day.

I absolutely love that he is becoming more interactive.  I also admit that part of me can't wait until he outgrows his fussiness a bit (okay, a lot).  Still though, it makes me sad to see him growing so quickly.  I love his little baby cuddles, the little noises that he makes, the way that he smells.  I love that look of wonder in his eyes as he studies my face.  His tiny little toes make my heart melt.  I have rarely been more content or at peace than I am when I am nursing him - it is as if at that moment at least, there is nothing else in the world that matters to either of us.

As weird as it may sound, I also kind of love that he needs me so much.  That I am his world right now.  As he is mine.

So, while I am certainly enjoying watching my son grow and develop, I admit that part of me is sad to see my little baby changing and growing so quickly.

Before I know it, he will no longer insist on napping only in my arms.   Nursing while nestled against me will no longer be his favorite way to spend his time.   He will not need me quite so much.  His world will grow exponentially, and I will only be a small part of it.

I guess I am just experiencing what countless other parents have gone through and lamented before me.  It may be cliche, but it is also true - they really do grow up too fast.

Six and a Half Weeks

Samuel is six and a half weeks old. I can't believe it has been that long!  At the same time though, life without him feels like a lifetime ago.  Certainly, our lives will never be the same, so in that sense, life without him WAS another lifetime.   He is the centre of our world now - everything revolves around him, his needs and well- being.

So, how have these past six weeks gone you might ask?  Well, it has certainly been an adventure!  We are both smitten with our beautiful, sweet boy, and feel so lucky to have him in our lives.  Truly, we are blessed.  Taking care of this sweet, precious little child is a privilege that I know I will never take for granted.

On a practical level, we are finally starting to settle into a bit of a routine, which is wonderful.  You see, as precious as our little Bug is, he has been a handful since the day he was born.  :). He did not sleep at first - at least, not anywhere other than in our arms.  He refused to lie flat, so we ordered a Rock n Play from the States (don't even get me started on the exorbitant shipping charges!). He would sleep in that, but only for an hour at a time, tops.  Nights were fun! Right around five weeks, we implemented a bedtime routine, started working harder to reinforce the difference between day and night (e.g. lights, noise), and started regulating how much he slept during the day (flame away, it worked).  Almost immediately, he started sleeping for longer stretches at night.  He is now up to starting with a good 4 hour stretch, then following that with one or two 1 to 3 hour stretches, usually for a toal of about 7.5 hours of sleep (broken up by 1-3 wakings).  We are ecstatic!

He still refuses to nap anywhere but in my arms.  I know that is not sustainable, but for now I admit that I don't fight it too much.  Holding him while he dozes is one of the most amazing feelings I have ever experienced, and I know that I will miss it desperately when he outgrows it.  I will start pushing the issue more soon, I promise. :)

He continues to be a very fussy little baby.  From what I have read though, the fussiness should be peaking right about now, after which it should gradually get better, usually by about 3 to 4 months.  We are holding onto that.  In the meantime, we are enjoying the smiles that we do get, which are truly magical and heart-melting.  I still tear up when he does it.

Welcoming this little angel into our lives has been nothing short of life changing.  Sure, it's been challenging, and I'm sure it will always be in one way or another.  But I can't imagine my life without him now.  I really can't.  He means more to me than everyone  and everything else in this world, combined. I honestly just can't articulate the joy he has brought to us.  We are so, so blessed.

And seriously, he is pretty cute!

Early Lessons

Some things I have learned in my almost-three-weeks of motherhood:

1.  All of the parenting books and advice in the world cannot actually prepare you for the first weeks of motherhood.

2.  Sleep deprivation is infinitely more difficult to cope with when you realize that you may ever actually have an opportunity to sleep well again.  It is very different from lost sleep when you know and can look forward to catching up with a good eight hours after exams/work/ whatever else is keeping you up passes.

3.  Some babies do not like to be put down.  Ever.  Period.

4.  It's amazing what you can accomplish one-handed when you don't have a choice.

5.  After a bath, Bug will almost always have an explosive poop.  The only question is whether he will then also pee on me and himself while I try to clean him up.

6.  Babies can pee in the own ears.  Seriously.

7.  A clean sleeper will invariably lead to spit up within half an hour, if not minutes.

8.  Growth spurts suck.  Literally.

9.  You cannot "sleep when baby sleeps" if baby refuses to sleep anywhere other than on you.

10.  Poop and pee and lack of sleep notwithstanding, you have never known a love like the one you will feel for your child.

Samuel

My little Bug is finally here! Samuel James was born on March 19, 2013 after 33 hours of labor. He is precious and amazing, and words simply cannot express how smitten I am. 

Delivery was difficult and downright scary at one point - his heart rate began to dip into the 40s (yes, the 40s) during contractions. I didn't know what was going on at the time, only that all of a sudden there were no less than ten doctors in the room, including high risk specialists who I recognized, and cardio specialists (his heart rare had been high or "tacky" throughout the last six or so hours of labor). I was told the baby needed out NOW, and to push, push, PUSH without breaks. Vacuum suction was used because it was so urgent that he be born right away. I was so terrified! It felt truly surreal. But in the end, all was okay, and my little Bug was born healthy and beautiful after just 30 minutes of pushing. I suffered numerous tears because of the speed at which he was delivered (things weren't given a chance to stretch out), but obviously that was totally worth it.

I have a baby. He made it out alive and well. I still can't quite believe it. :)

I'm not going to lie, the past two weeks have been very difficult. I had problems breastfeeding which were eventually resolved by use of a shield, Bug refuses to sleep lying down AT ALL, ever, and he is a bit colicky (he may have reflux). We are in survival mode, and functioning on less than 2 hours of sleep per day. I may do a post about this later. Through it all though I have not lost sight of just how blessed I am. I love him so, so, so much. I didn't know it was possible to feel such love before I met him. What I thought was "love" before cant even compare.

On that note, I have a diaper to change. I actually love doing that, because I get to play with his little toes when I do. He hates it. Lol

Anyway....more later. When I find a way to get a bit more sleep!

Any Time Now!

I am so ready to meet this little man! 

 

Don't get me wrong, he can take all the time he needs - I am not in a rush to push him out before he is ready.  I'm not doing anything to try to induce labour.  I'm just becoming very, very excited at this point.  My due date is 11 days away! 

 

I was 50% effaced at my appointment on Friday, but "not very" dilated.  My OB did say that he is down extremely low, and that she could feel his head.  In her words, "he's ready to come out."  It's just a matter of time.  :)

 

We are almost ready now too.  We are almost unpacked, and the nursery is almost finished.  We don't have paintings or photos up yet, either in the nursery, or the rest of the home.  We are still waiting for the wall art for the baby's room to be delivered, so there is not much we can do there.  While it would have been nice to have one of those picture-perfect nurseries waiting for him before he arrives, I'm sure he won't notice, or mind.  He will be sleeping in our room for the first few months anyway.

 

Even though the room is not quite ready, I thought I would post a few photos of the things that are in place.  I'll post photos of the complete nursery when the final touches (wall art, curtains, etc) have been added.

 

First, here is a before shot.  My husband and I spent hours staring at those samples, and made no less than three runs out for more over the course of a weekend.  Everything looked green for some reason!  We had 10 samples up on the wall before we were finally able to make a decision.

Here is the crib - I love the bedding!

This is one of two dressers, which were purchased by my mother-in-law when she was pregnant with my husband.  They were in his bedroom until he was a teenager.  They were understandably a bit beaten up, and a really ugly shade of light brown - she had them refinished for us, to match his crib.  This photo really doesn't capture how beautiful they are!  They are solid wood, and the grains in the wood are just stunning with the finish, which has a hint of cherry to it.  Anyway, here is one of them:

 

 

And finally, here is the glider.  It was ridiculously expensive, but so comfortable and hopefully, totally worth it.  I love that it doesn't look like a glider or rocker, and that it has a locking mechanism (safer for our cats).  It will also recline flat, with a foot rest that pops out.  We plan to move it into the living area once it has served its purpose in the nursery. 

That is pretty much what we have done in the nursery so far.  I know that it doesn't look like much yet, but I think it will come together nicely.  I also think that we have made pretty good progress, given that we just moved in in January!

 Now it is really just a matter of waiting for Bug to make his debut.  :)

38 Weeks! Holy Cow.

Well, as of tomorrow anyway!  I seriously can't believe that I have made it this far, and that I am about to have a baby!

He seems rather anxious to make his debut.  I haven't had an internal yet, but I did have a NST yesterday as a result of his heart rate being very elevated during an ultrasound (he was moving like crazy).  The nurse asked me several times, "Are you sure you can't feel that?"  I couldn't feel a thing, but apparenty I was having contractions.  Mild, for sure, and nothing to indicate that I was (or was about to be) in actual labour.  Still, contractions! 

Knowing that made this all seem very real. 

I am also told that he has moved down very low.  It often feels as if he is literally digging at my cervix. 

He could decide to join us at any time! 

I am ready to meet him.  :)  I mean, I'm not ready - the nursery isn't done, we still haven't finished unpacking - but I am ready in every way that really matters.  The important items are in place - ie. the crib, bassinet, diapers, wipes, etc.  We will be able to feed him, soothe him, bathe him, and put him down to sleep safely and comfortably.  The rest is just details.

And I am ready to be a mother! 

Actually, that statement is totally misleading.  I already am a mother.  I have been since I first learned that a little life was growing inside me last year - our angel baby.  I have been a mother to this little Bug since he was conceived. 

What I really mean to say then, is that I am ready to meet my son.  :)

Still here!

It has been quite a while since I posted an update - I apologize for that! Things have just gotten so crazy, I haven't had much time to reflect.  Given that it has been a month and a half since my last post, I figured that I would force myself to sit down and put something together.  So, here is my update...

We moved in January, which made for a pretty crazy month.  Note to self: do not move at 6 months pregnant ever.again.!.  It was seriously not a great decision on our part.  I wasn't able to help much (other than with some packing), and my poor (and amazing) husband did most of it.  We are very lucky to have a great set of friends, many of whom showed up on moving day to help us as well.    It is amazing how much stuff  you can accumulate after living with someone for almost 10 years!  In any event, we did it, and are now still in the process of unpacking.  Most of my restrictions have been lifted, so I can help more now, which is great.  It is still slow-going, but we will get there.

The nursery however, is another story.  Nothing is done.  Nada.  Zilch.  It has not even been painted.  That is starting to stress me out, with 4 weeks to go until our little guy's anticipated debut.  I feel like it should be picture perfect and ready to go now.  We have most of the stuff purchased and/or en route, so it is really just a matter of painting and getting everything together once it gets here. My husband has promised to tackle it this week.  The man really has been a saint through all of this.

I have been off work for almost two weeks now, at my doctor's insistence.  My fluid was low during a a growth scan a few weeks ago.  Given the history of this pregnancy and the fact that I am still spotting consistenty, my doctor decided that I should stop working at 34 weeks.  I'm not complaining!  I am very fortunate to have a great short term disability insurance policy, such that I am still getting paid a decent portion of my salary while I am off. I can certainly use the time to get things together.

I am being monitored very closely now, with weekly ultrasounds, weekly appointments with my OB (which I think is normal at this point anyway?) and a high risk specialist who is overseeing the pregnancy via my OB.  As usual, Samuel is doing extremely well, in spite of all of the complications and issues that have arisen through the course of this pregnancy.  He continues to measure ahead, but his lead is shrinking, which I am told is normal and healthy.  He was in the 60th percentile last week.  The ultrasound techs always comment on how much hair he appears to have. :) I love seeing him every week, and am extremely grateful for the extra reassurance that this level of scrutinty and monitoring provides.

As for me, I am feeling great.  I have the usual third trimester discomforts, including exhaustion, sore feet and back, heartburn, etc.  You will never hear me complaining about any of it though! I am just so, so thankful to be pregnant with this baby boy, and to have made it this far. I can't believe that we will get to meet him in less than a month!! Just the thought makes me smile, every time!

Now if I can just get the nursery ready in time..... :)